Wednesday, October 15, 2008 ; 8:21 PMY
& We gotta love rock
If someone close to you has depression, remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help another. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone else beat depression. You won’t do your loved one any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. Taking care of yourself when someone close to you is depressed is not an act of selfishness, for it allows you to continue to love and care for the other person.
In addition to looking out for your own needs, there are two main ways you can help friends or relatives who are depressed: provide emotional support and help them get the treatment they need.
The most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support. This involves being compassionate and patient—which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression. Being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that a depressed mind will understand.
Some supportive, positive things to say to a depressed friend or family member:
“I love you no matter what you say or do.”
“Don’t ever think you are alone in this or anything you go through.”
“Please tell me what I can do to help you right now.”
“I know I can’t understand what you are going though, but I am here for you if you want to talk.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this all must be.
“You are so important to me.”
“We can get through this. There are people out there who can help.”
- “You won’t feel this way forever – we will find a way to help you feel better.”
Sometimes, it’s more important to know what NOT to say to someone living with depression.
you should avoid saying things like:
- It’s all in your head.
- We all go through times like these.
- You’ll be fine. Stop worrying.
- Look on the bright side.
- You have so much to live for; why do you want to die?
- I can’t do anything about your situation.
- Just snap out of it.
- Stop acting crazy.
- What’s wrong with you?
- Shouldn’t you be better by now?
If the depressed loved one in your life is a spouse or romantic partner, there are a whole slew of additional issues that arise. The depressed partner may be unable to fulfill both mundane responsibilities and the deeper emotional commitments that are the foundation of the relationship. As the spouse or partner of a depressed individual, it’s easy to feel lonely, rejected, or unloved. Getting your partner into depression treatment is a step in the right direction. You can also use this time to learn how to manage stress in relationship and work through problems using emotionally intelligent communication.
